Phil Gondolo, in line for a promotion and raise after 22 years, was told instead he was terminated. That afternoon, his wife Nancy found an old boyfriend on Facebook. One thing led to another and they drunkenly totaled Phil's previously cherry 1967 Camaro in the motel parking lot.
Phil cleaned out his desk, headed for home and promptly fired up his "Roadhouse" DVD. "Right about when Sam Elliot smashes this ugly bruiser in the kneecap, I began to unwind - even relax!" Phil adds, with a contented smile, "I've seen Roadhouse like 220 times and it always works!"
While men still rely on an endless array of televised sports to blot out the ugly realities of life, social scientists have noticed a new trend. Cal Tech Sociologist Meers Prufrock (not his real name) claims to have interviewed 300 men while they watched Marathon Man, The Transporter, Stakeout and Internal Affairs. Most men told Prufrock to shut the hell up and watch the movie, but he was able to get a bead on a new phenomenon. "Women have Paxil and Wellbutrin. Men turn to Clint Eastwood."
Sensing Nobel Prize potential, Prufrock lets his verbiage get somewhat fanciful. He writes "Patrick Swayze can rest comfortably in heaven, knowing that 20-30 viewings of Red Dawn so eases the sorely damaged spirits of millions of men."
Sensing Nobel Prize potential, Prufrock lets his verbiage get somewhat fanciful. He writes "Patrick Swayze can rest comfortably in heaven, knowing that 20-30 viewings of Red Dawn so eases the sorely damaged spirits of millions of men."
Fred Van Dyne, a 37 year old systems analyst agrees. "We were getting ready for her cousin's wedding when Donnie Brasco with Pacino pops up on TNT. I've seen it 94 times, but I gotta watch it again." His wife Rose ended up going to the wedding alone. Fred didn't show at the divorce hearing as he was in the middle of In The Line Of Fire (148 times). Fred lost the house, but reports he has snagged the 60" hi-def flatscreen Sony and his entire DVD collection.
Some guys have torn themselves away from these movies long enough to create 191Movies, a website that lists films men watch billions of times. It offers scenes, trailers, quotes and hours of wasted time. The site actually encourages users to scream at the website for not listing idiotic movies they watch a zillion times. The site is not at all scientific. Instead, it ironically relies on woman to correctly identify 191 Movies, If a woman says, "Are you watching that stupid thing again?", they know it belongs on the site.
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